Winds of Change: Days 182-184

Quick overview

I was still a little lethargic on Friday (day 182) when it came to my work. For some reason I just didn’t want to or couldn’t read the background article my boss assigned me to read. So, after wasting the whole morning trying to get myself to focus, joining various Flickr groups, and browsing through their photos, I read two articles generally related to my work and did some work that is due on Monday. It felt good to read articles that had I set aside to read some time ago.

On Friday, I made some progress with my tasks for the mini-campaign which will run throughout next week.

Saturday (day 183) saw me meet up with friends, teach an evangelism class, and looking for answers to questions God’s seeming injustice as captured in the first two verses of Leviticus 23 (vs. 1-2) and Isaiah 56:3-8. So, I virtually spent the whole afternoon reading Jewish law on being mamzerim (incorrectly translated bastard in the KJV) and being a eunuch. A mamzer is the product of an affair between a married Jewish woman and another man or of an incestuous relationship. Illegitimate children from any other affair or union are not mamzer. I learned that mamzer may not marry non-mamzer Jews and are placed in a very awkward position in this day and age with regards to marriage. But that’s a whole ‘nother post. In my reading, I came across an interesting article about the descendants of former Nazi’s who converted to Judaism. Two of the converts were related to Adolf Hitler: one by marriage, the other by blood.

This morning (day 184) I continued my studies on eunuchs in Judaism. Yesterday I asked a Bible research team my questions. They are yet to answer me.

Today I slept for a short while after attending a meeting this morning and now I will work on my thesis. I’m a little anxious about working on it. It’s a daunting task. But, as St. Paul says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” Philippians 4:13.

On the porn front

I had two wet dreams over the course of the weekend: one of Friday and one this morning. I experienced a bit of a Chaser Effect this morning where I wanted to dwell on some sexual subject but I could not. I couldn’t think of anything and even if I did I wouldn’t have because my intentions would have been wrong. I couldn’t understand the restlessness until I recognised it for what it is: the Chaser Effect.

Weird dream

After the wet dream on Friday, I dreamt that my cousin’s ex-wife and I had had a fling before she met my cousin ten years ago and that a baby resulted from our fling. So, one Sunday morning when some church people were gathered at church, someone dropped the baby off at church. The church elder brought the baby to me inside the church. He said that someone just gave the baby to him and told him the child is mine. He didn’t know who the person was though. That’s when I saw her leaving the church.

So I went after her but couldn’t get her. When I entered the church again, the people had taken to the child. My sister was there sitting behind the elder’s wife who had the child on her arm. The baby looked at me and smiled. She looked like a baby from a Huggies advert who had blonde hair and blue eyes; totally unlike the child’s mother and me.

I didn’t hear a word of what the preacher or speaker said as I tried to process this bombshell. I took to the child slowly, giving her my index finger to play with at first. She had a strong grip and a beautiful smile. My parents weren’t there, only my sister. How they would react I did not know. I honestly didn’t know how this could’ve happened because my cousin’s ex-wife and I had a fling more than ten years ago. How could a child from that union remain a baby for so long. The child didn’t even look like me! Was I going to keep the child, I asked myself. What were my options? I could give the child up for adoption or I could send her to an orphanage. In either case the child would be better off with me even though I’m not her biological father. How could I be? I didn’t know how an orphanage or foster parents would treat her. My parents would just have to accept the situation as would any prospective girlfriend. The child remains with me.

By the end of the dream, I held the child in my arms and had the bag slung over my shoulder.

What makes the dream even weirder is that I didn’t even know my cousin’s ex-wife before he introduced her to the family ten years ago. And I was never attracted to her in anyway at all.

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