Winds of Change: Day 87-88

I actually hate doing this multi-day block quote thing, but when I get home at night I have such a lot of stuff to do that I don’t have time to record my day. So, here goes another “double entry”.

First and foremost, I’ve been working late and will be for the rest of the year until my employer closes for the holidays. There’s a lot of audio editing that I have to do in addition to readying a report for my professor.

Polling Station

You will see on the side panel is a polling station. I started it because I thought it would be fun to see what your responses would be and because I can’t decide what to do with my list of dreams. So, whichever option gets the most votes by the end of the week, I will do.

Divine Protection

There are reports that my work place is haunted. One colleague reported seeing a woman, hearing footsteps and hearing people talk when she and her teammates work there late at night. So, you can imagine how scared I am. But, I know that my Lord and Saviour, the One who gives me victory over the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes and the pride of life, protects me. So, every day that I’ve been praying that God would anoint my office block with His blood and hedge me in with angels even angels that excel in strength. Because I have slight fear of the dark, I leave one passage light and the men’s bathroom light on. Luckily my office is located right across a side entrance so I don’t have to walk that far to the door. I trust that the Lord will protect me though. He promised.

Communal Attraction

While I worked on one of the recordings yesterday, I minimised the distractions by writing down all the questions and thoughts that popped into my head. One particular question intrigues me. It’s one that I’ve been wondering about for a long time: Why am I so keen to befriend nudists?

I don’t consider myself to be one. I see myself as someone who is comfortable with his body and with being naked alone and around others. But, I won’t go out of my way to be naked alone or with others. And as I said before I don’t believe in co-ed social nudity because of the sexual undertones that are present. And quite frankly I don’t trust my mind in such a situation.

That said, I find that I want to have one or two nudist friends: the two men who always answer my nudism-related questions on Yahoo! Answers. I feel bonded to them. (Weird and crazy aren’t words one should use on the Net, but it seems that way to me.) It’s almost as if they took me under their wing, but they didn’t really. To them it’s just routine because they tend to respond to all nudity questions. (For what it’s worth, my nudism questions mostly revolve around etiquette.)

Intrigued by the question of my apparent need to connect to people of like interests, I made a list of the communities of which I am or was a member of online. I won’t share the communities but I will share the interests. Here they are:

  1. Writing and blogging;
  2. Freedom from addiction to pornography, masturbation and orgasms (PMO);
  3. Body image, naturism and nudism;
  4. Underwear choice, including none;
  5. Animation;
  6. LATEX;
  7. Linux;
  8. My denomination’s unofficial forum; and
  9. Yahoo! Answers

What I found was that I join these communities to find answers to my questions, engage the members in conversation, hear different points of views on a particular subject related to our interest, receive advice for tricky or fear inspiring situations, report problems, and to reciprocate. Those groups in the PMO category I joined for accountability reasons as well. Only one of the PMO groups was of any help to me. It’s for these reasons that I joined WordPress too. It’s also why I value your input and any advice you (can) give me.

Of course, my interests are broader than these. To find information on the rest of my interests I consult books, blogs and websites.

What I found is that ever since science writing became my career I am gravitating towards reaching out to those in my field. But, I don’t want to join an online community. Instead I want to engage with them on a more personal level by phoning or meeting them in person. Because my field is so broad, I thought of getting a career coach/counselor to help me get my perception right and narrow my interests. But, whether that’s a good thing to do or not, only time will tell.

These past two days also saw wanting to research stuff involving nudity of some sort, and although I researched (nude) sunbathing, I want to read about more naked activities. But, there’s a mental block. It’s like I cannot read up on such stuff because it goes against the stand I took and I would disappoint you, Frank, another friend of mine and God. I would have to reset my counter to Day 0 and start all over. That would mean that I postpone my eligibility for dating or courtship by almost 90 days and that I’ll practically have to wait another year for that–which is just not on! So, yeah, I won’t do it! I can’t do it!

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