Winds of Change: Day 82

Today, beginning last night, was very informative. To find answers to my questions on thongs or g-strings I performed a Google search. But I soon realised that that is not a good idea as I’m opening myself up to filth. I did encounter some dubious pics which I covered with my hand or closed my eyes to as I navigated away from the page. Curiousity really got the better of me.

I thought about calling or contacting my accountability partner but I didn’t want to disturb him as it was late at night. There wasn’t enough airtime on my phone anyway. So, I went to the “source”. I joined a forum about thongs and posted my questions on there. The forum owner moved my post to a thread on thongs and erections. I started to read that thread in the hopes of finding answers to my questions. I tried to do this twice, but gave up. Even though my intentions were good, I was following the same pattern as before.

What convinced me of this is 1 Corinthians 13:11 (ESVUK) which says, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” I took this to mean that I was acting childishly. There had to be a better way of finding answers to those questions.

The questions have to do with behaviour and comfort while wearing a g-strings. The saddest thing is most of the men on that forum wear g-strings for excitation and exhibitionistic purposes; the complete opposite of my reason for wanting to wear one and the very reason why I shy away from g-strings in general.

What this experience has taught me is that I should run my questions by my accountability partner, make use of old faithful (Yahoo! Answers) more, and learn to tame my curiousity. And you know what that means? I will have understand curiousity first.

By pure happenstance I came across an article on curiousity. The article is largely based on a recent study on the subject. The gist of what I’ve read so far is that curiousity is the desire to fill the gap between what we know and what we want or hope to know. Curiousity is the feeling or itch that gets us interested in a topic in the first place. It also feeds into our limbic system, reward circuitry, reptillian brain or whatever else the dopamine-sensitive pleasure centres in our brains are called.

Thus being (extremely) curious and a porn consumer are a deadly combination. Add to that the neurochemical highs experienced produced by orgasms and your chances for being hooked on porn skyrockets. So, learning to channel my curiousity to more healthy pursuits and having God sanctify it is the next frontier. I have to learn by study and by exercise how to focus my curiousity or interest and lessen distractions.

I noticed that my experience has produced to two tapes, as Dr. Phil once said. The first tape or belief is that if I don’t find answers to my personal development questions, they will “harass” me until I can’t take it anymore. The second tape says that to function well solving my personal problems or questions regarding behaviour in cerain situations has to take precedence.

What are your thoughts?

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