Winds of Change: Days 77-78

This post contains mature subject matter. Reader discretion advised. NPU 18.

Day 77

Thoughts on Skimpy Underwear Reviewed

On Friday morning (Day 77) I realised that I made a couple of logical errors. I assumed that all the searches for underwear I did was to find that kind of thong. That can’t be true because what motivated me to search for thongs or skimpy underwear in the first place?

I also assumed that because I searched for thong underwear in the open or common area of my faculty’s computer area, I was not motivated by lust or horniness. But, I forgot that I learned about oral sex, exhibitionism, masturbation techniques and other stuff in the common area too. And those were lust-driven pursuits.

If you can remember, I said that I made peephole underwear when I was a teenager and played around with it. So that association has always been there. More often than not my underwear searches ended with me seeing the male models in peephole underwear. Whether that peephole was covered with a hand or a bang sign doesn’t matter.

So, I now think that those searches were mainly motivated by lust. Second to that is the desire to possess and wear such skimpy underwear. I frequently saw myself in those images. This belief is supported by my homemade peephole underwear.

And the reason why I like that particular thong is because it’s the most comfortable looking of them all and it’s not risqué, provocative or daring in any way. It’s the only thong I don’t associate with lust or sex. And I know it contradicts what I said in my previous post but I had some time to think and clarify my thoughts or position on the matter.

I spoke to Frank, my accountability partner, about this. He said that it’s a grey area. You really have to listen to what the Holy Spirit says to you about the matter. He had a friend whom they teased for wearing thongs. One day his friend told them that they could tease him all they want, but he won’t stop wearing thongs. He wore thongs for comfort. The friend tried all styles of underwear and thongs were the most comfortable.

But, most people wear thongs for their provocative qualities, I think. It’s evident if you look at where thongs originate: strip clubs.

The bottom line is: I was wrong to pin all my skimpy underwear searches on that particular thong style, to assume that lust played no role in those searches, and to assume that I liked that particular thong style because of lust. For that I apologise.

Will I search for skimpy underwear again? I hope not. Will I be tempted to search for skimpy underwear again? You bet. Will I ask my wife to buy me that particular thong style? Only if she buys me the kind of thong that makes me uncomfortable. Will I ever wear thongs? It depends. I’m quite happy with my current wardrobe choice.

A side note: I had a wet dream on Friday. (I tend to record the wet dreams and spontaneous ejaculations I get for record keeping purposes.)

Day 78

Baptism

On to today . . . Two acquaintances of mine were baptised today but we didn’t do anything tonight. The friend that links us didn’t involve me and the friends that we share with any of her plans. I took a couple of pictures during the service but they were bad.

Some poetic advice

A friend and I spoke about poetry. He said that he went a year without writing anything. A severe case of writer’s block is what he had. He said that he goes through periods where he writes about 20 poems a day of which only one is good. The others he can sometime combine bits and pieces of to create a new poem. The advice he gave me was to just write and publish even when I think the poem is bad. The poem might not have any message for me but it might just mean something to someone.

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