Winds of Change: Days 61-62

Bath house cultures

While reading about the various bath house cultures around the world on Wikipedia, I came across an interesting little tidbit. Many times I have bemoaned the fact that in the West bath houses are associated with licentious sexual practices. It is a sweeping statement because the Finns, Germans, and (I say this under correction) Russians are Westerners too; and bath houses are a non-sexual, common enterprise in these countries. So, I apologise for making that generalisation.

Secondly, I learned that in the English-speaking world the Crusaders brought the bath house concept to the British Isles upon their return home. These British bath houses soon degenerated into brothels and were closed only to be reopened two centuries later due to a cry for more sanitary living conditions. However, the association between brothels and bath houses were established in people’s minds and remains to this day. I think that says something about native English-speakers.

Positively negative

So, today I was stressed, not to the point of having a panic attack, but stressed enough to think negatively. When I’m stressed I think that important authority figures, like my boss or professor, are displeased with the quality of my work, that they have a low opinion of me, and that they are angry with me. So, when I saw my boss today I was amazed at how friendly she was. She wasn’t displeased with my work at all. In fact, she would rather have me focus on the audio engineering side of my job than do that and write an article for our website. The audio engineering project has to be done by mid-December. We are recording a health talk show on one of the major diseases affecting the world. It’s only one series of 13 episodes which will be recorded in two languages. That’s a total of 26 episodes. So, I have my work cut out for me.

I know my professor has a bad opinion of me and I don’t blame him. My project is involves some (complex) maths and I’m not very good at it. (I’m a sucker for challenges because they give me the opportunity to learn and grow.) And I feel as if I’m not one of the brightest students in the group. But, that’s beside the point. There is a disconnect between him and me. Why? I don’t know. Ever since I started my job, I did not contact him as I should have. But, never once did he e-mail me, or phone me to hear why I am so quiet or if I’m enjoying my job. That saddens me a little.

While I was still in the lab I often wanted him to converse with me on a personal level like he did with his other students, but he never did. I often saw us walking to the cafeteria together to buy coffee and to chat about stuff, but that never happened. The lab manager picked up the dynamic (or lack there of) as well. I’m not a bad student. In fact, I poured my heart and soul into this project, but I didn’t feel as if he was supporting me as I wanted to be supported.

This post will be too long if I were to tell you the ins and outs of my MSc project. And, yes, it does seem as if I’m contradicting myself because the other day I said that I am lazy and now I say that I’m not a bad student. There is a reason for my apparent laziness which we’ll get into in a future post. My professor did begin to interact with me more before I started my job.

Withdrawal Symptoms

I had some impure thoughts today and felt a faint desire to look at porn, but I resisted them. I spent some good time with God this morning as I sorted my stressors.

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