Winds of Change: Days 42 and 43

I’ve been in quite a depressing mood these past couple of days and wiping out the post I worked on last night because of fatigue didn’t help me at all.

What I was going to say is that my family is cruel. They are actually wonderful people: my mom, dad and sister. They understood and supported me when I decided to stop drinking (English) tea and coffee because of their caffeine content, and when I gave up all cocoa containing foods for the same reason. (Did you know that cocoa contains two compounds that are similar to caffeine? Theobromine and theophyline possess one and two methyl (CH3 ) groups where caffeine has none.)

Lately I’ve picked up a little bit weight around the waist which increased by two sizes. I’m not happy about this because it means that I need to replace all my trousers. My job is sedantary in nature. And between work and school I have no time for gym. I also don’t have my licence yet so I can’t go to the gym on my own. Someone has to take me. I can’t take public transport either. I thought about training with my body weight. In fact, I did start the 100 push ups programme, even got a buddy to do it with me, but we never saw it through. My family found the whole endeavour funny and I lost all motivation.

Let me just say this: yes, I do live with my parents even though I’m almost 30 years old. And no, I am not American. In my culture you are expected to live with your parents until you get married or unless you work very far from home (i.e. two or more hours away).

I’ve been wanting to get rid of my gut for some time now. And even mentioned it to my family to solicit their support. But, no such luck. Take Friday (Day 42) night for example. My sister bought me a small custard donut because I love custard donuts. She wanted to treat me after the long, hard week I had. She told me so. Now last Sunday, I bought some trousers which I took to a tailor to have them shortened. They picked the trousers up for me because as I was indisposed at that time. That night they wanted me to show them the trousers. I told them that I wasn’t going to fit them on. And I said that I need to watch my weight else I’ll have to buy a larger size soon. “I already ate a custard donut tonight,” I said, “and feel so full.” They said that it was my own fault, that I should’ve kept it for later. And they are right. But, my sister askedme to eat it and let it stand or throw it away when she told me about the donut earlier that night. So, I ate it after my meal else it would just get old and be thrown away. My temper flared up immediately because they force me to eat stuff by guilt tripping me and when I do eat it and complain I get told it’s my fault. That’s why I said they are cruel. I hate this situation.

So, I have identified the time when I consume most of the sugar in my diet. Whenever I get home from work, school, the shops, or visiting family I eat two to four–sometimes six—blocks of white chocolate. For the passed week I drank a half a glass of soft drink as well. I almost never drink water when I’m at home neither do I like eating fruit at home even though I love fruit.

I decided to change this part of my daily routine. Ever since last night I’ve been calorie conscious. I overate today when the extended family got together but that usually happens when we get together on a Saturday. When we got home tonight I drank a glass of water. I did the same thing after coming home from a meeting this afternoon. So, my plan is simple: drink a glass of water or a cup of herbal tea or chicory whenever I come home. I recently decided not to eat after 9 pm. Although I failed in this regard tonight, I ate some chips (crisps), I’ve been faithful all week. My family respects this decision. (I also had to fight for this with my mom though.)

My temper flared up whenever my mom spoke to me. She is the main instigator. I hate being such a jerk. But, I see no other way of getting them to understand what I want to achieve. That and just shouldering my burden as I march toward my goal. If I stick with to my guns, I reason, they will get with the programme. They need to see that I am serious about these changes. Maybe they will support me, maybe they won’t. It doesn’t matter. Ultimately, I’ve gotta do what’s right for me and bring glory to God in the process. My body is His temple.

This battle with my diet is tougher than my battles with porn, masturbation, and exhibitionism because I’m not only fighting myself and my desires; no, I’m fighting the very people who are supposed to support me. But, I have to follow my convictions.

I won’t exercise because I don’t have time. I already looked at my day. It’s just not feasible. However, instead of taking the lift to go to other floors, I will take the stairs. It’s not much exercise but every little bit helps. I can’t wait till I’m done with my Master’s because then I will be able to go to the gym where I will attend spinning and pilates classes, and maybe play squash. I actually want to take up kayaking in the future but my body must be conditioned first.

There are a lot of stuff I want to do, but I first need to finish my Master’s degree and get a well-paying job. Money makes the world go round, as they say. But, all in due time.

So, wish me luck as I endeavour to exercise self-control in my diet and internet usuage (as noted in my previous post). And thank you for your support. Even though you rarely comment just by liking a post, you encourage me. A “like” tells me that some person is listening and that motivates me to do better and be better.

People don’t like to be reminded about their weaknesses and I’m pretty sure that I remind you of yours as I share my inaptitudes and incompetencies. Sometimes we need to stare the cold, bare fact in the face that we’re not perfect no matter how hard we try to be.

God bless,
E McA

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