As part of the recovery process I’ve been working through Restoring Your Sexuality Back to Biblical Foundations. Here are my answers to the assignment of chapter 6 in the book and some thoughts on certain statements I encountered. Please note that I am very honest here so skip this post if you don’t want to know certain stuff about me.
Chapter 6 “Understanding the Dynamics of Shame”
The assignment was to:
- ask the Lord to show me behaviours that are deeply rooted in my shame,
- list the lies Satan used to try and convince me were true about myself, and
- tackle the top 5 lies by listing the Bible’s answer to them.
I don’t quite understand what is meant by #1. But, in response to the prompt I remembered my best friend at high school telling me on various occasions “Whatever you say, Eleazar. Whatever you say.” whenever I waxed lyrical or philosophical.
The other thing that I remember is the Skype video call I had with one of the members of the forum that helped me with abstaining from masturbation. The guy claims to be straight but he wanted to me show him my penis and then to masturbate for him. I didn’t want to do either but then he showed me his. And you know how stuff work on the internet: I show you mine, you show me yours. So, I showed him my penis which he complimented me on. He then begged me to masturbate or at least stroke my penis, but I utterly refused. I found the whole experience surreal. It seemed as if the dude was possessed. That’s the sense I got from him. After terminating the call, I went on my knees, asked God for forgiveness and to give me true repentance, and I have not repeated the act ever since. It was my first and last time that I ever did such a thing. I learned a valuable lesson that day: just because you do it and want me to do it, doesn’t mean that I should do it; it’s a man-made rule which does not require adherence.
That is one lie God dealt with. Satan told me other lies as well, “You, Eleazar, are incompetent, inadequate, gay, stupid, dumb, and unintelligent. You have pedophilic tendencies. People will reject you when they really get to know you for who you are. You don’t deserve your talents. You don’t have any talents. You don’t deserve to use your talents in God’s service for His glory. God will never accept you. You’re good for nothing. You will never be free. You committed the unpardonable sin. You don’t know Christ.”
The Scriptures that refute these claims follows.
Ephesians 2:8-10 “I am saved by grace not by my works.”
Zechariah 2:8 “I am the apple of God’s eye.”
Isaiah 49:15 “I am accept by God who will never abandon me.”
John 8:36 “I am free in Jesus.”
John 15:5 “I am competent because Jesus makes me so.”
Chapter 7 “More Sexually Deviant Behaviour”
This chapter deals with sexually deviant behaviours of which homosexuality is one (a very unpopular thing to say, I know). Nevertheless I identified with homosexuality, bestiality (I will explain this in a bit), masturbation, pornography, and voyeurism.
Homosexuality we already discussed. Bestiality. Although I never had sex with animals I wanted to try it at least once. But, the Levitical law was burned into my conscience so I never acted on it. This was when I was in high school.
The author says, “Many times you find bestiality in family lines where there was animal sacrifice, major sins of the occult or nature worship.” I believe in generational sin because I see it in my extended family. Now my dad revealed to me last week that my grandpa (now deceased), my grandpa’s sister (now deceased), her son and their brother’s children all had devices to protect them from evil, curses and harm. My grandma forbid my grandpa from practising the dark arts in their home. He respected that. My dad wasn’t clear on whether my grandpa actually practised magick or whether he only went to a sorcerer or “clever man” as they called it. My grandpa burned the stuff one night after he chased his family to bed from the fire in the backyard by which they all had been standing. My dad never participated in the dark arts.
I also have to state this clearly: I never had sex with animals neither did I watch porn in which people did this. I read a couple of accounts, yes, but I can count them on one hand. My main interest in bestiality was (1) how do they get the animals to stand still and have sex with them especially the women? and (2) how do the animals’ behaviour change? The reason for the second question is based on a local news report I read about a guy who molested his neighbours pitbull repeatedly. The investigators noticed a change in the dogs behaviour. Then I wanted to know about the infamous guy who had regular sex with his donkey. How did the animal’s behaviour change? But I never went looking for the answers. It’s a taboo I respect.
Masturbation. In this section the author states the following, “Shame is always the result of sin and masturbation is accompanied by shame.” I wracked my brain trying to disprove this statement. I still have to come up with a situation where this is not true. (Any help?) Shame is the result of sin. The sin might be your own or someone else’s. (As much as I’d like to get into a whole theological and social discussion on shame I might just say stuff that aren’t true or state things incorrectly. So I will write my thoughts on it in a future post. But, it’s a really interesting topic to discuss.)
Pornography and voyeurism we already spoke about.
This chapter also deals with sex positions and which ones are best. The missionary position is best because it symbolises Christ covering the Church and the Church submitting to His authority and love. The author also advocates having sex more than once a week, but not every day. Sex is an indicator of a marriage’s health.
The fear of rejection lies at the root of all the sexually deviant behaviours I’ve had a part in. I find that quite interesting as I do fear rejection.
Chapter 8 “Sexual Addiction”
I am yet to complete this chapter.
I browsed through chapters 10 and 11 and saw that things are going to get really interesting. We’ll be delving more into intergenerational curses and sins as well as deeper introspection. The book also aims to develop my relationship with God encouraging me to listen to Him and wait for His response.