Winds of Change: Day 18

My article is almost done. I just have to write a short summary and edit it.

Settlers of Catan

To take break from it and to celebrate the milestone I reached, my family and I played Settlers of Catan. We taught my dad how to play it since It was his first time. Since we were three people, I came out with guns blazing and won with 12 Victory Points. I seldom win at Settlers of Catan so you can imagine my excitement.

An Epiphany

I’m worried a bit about how you will perceive me by what I will tell you next. But, record this epiphany I must. I will first tell you about the epiphany and the event surrounding it then I will delve into some history so that you can understand where I come from. And I would ask that you do not judge me.

Okay, this morning I got up to work on my article. I stood by the window for a while to look out at the night, the neighbouring apartments (I prefer the word “apartment” over “flat” because it just sounds better) and the trees and river below when a man crossed the bridge and I moved so that some light from my study lamp rimmed my genitals. (I generally sleep naked or bottomless because I tend to wake up in the process of taking my clothes off in my sleep or after I took my clothes off in my sleep. I’ve lost precious hours of sleep because of this so I just decided to sleep naked.) Now, you should know that I live on the first floor (British English; in USA: second floor) and that the apartment’s windowsills are waist high so no one from the street can see anything from below the waist. It’s not really waist high. The windowsill is high enough so that my scrotum can rest on it but for anyone on the street it is waist high. I checked because I don’t want to break any laws neither do I want to impose my nudity onto others.

But, this morning I wondered whether my penis was visible with the light glinting off it. I wondered whether the guy walking down below could see it, not for sexual gratification, but to know what not to do in the future–what behaviour/positioning to avoid because it breaks all laws. (And no, I didn’t have an erection.)

That got me thinking: how would I know whether that dude could see me? By his shocked reaction? How will I know if he is shocked? He will most likely turn his head, aver his eyes, look the other way. But shock? There no way you can see a person’s shock in the dark. So, I concluded that it is a futile exercise.

I will still stand by the window and enjoy the stillness and coolness of the night. Nothing refreshes like a cool night breeze. But, I won’t wonder/worry about whether I can be seen. I know that I can’t be seen because I placed a deodorant bottle where I usually stand at the window, went outside and tried to see the bottle from the street. But, I didn’t see anything. And this was in broad daylight and the bottle was maroon in colour. And I am not normally backlit. The room’s light is usually off when I do this for safety reasons.

I like getting up and standing by my window in my sleepwear sometimes because it’s very refreshing. I do it in my pj’s too–not pj pj’s. I can be me. It’s a way of telling the world, “This is who I am.”

And I guess that’s what we do here in the blogosphere: we tell people this is who we are. Some of us share our personal lives, like I do here, while others share their professional lives, their hobbies/interests, their opinions, none of these or all of these or more. To a certain extent we are all exhibitionists. Some people just take things too far with unwanted body disclosures.

I asked God to forgive me for my insolence, to change my heart and I believe He has.

Public nudity is unbiblical, it’s shameful, and unkind. People generally don’t want to see other people naked and those who want to be naked out in public should respect the wishes of others. A. G. Gardiner wrote an excellent essay on the laws that govern liberty which will be dealt with in a future post.

The same Thing that fought against masturbation and pornography for so many years fought against public nudity, exhibitionistic tendencies and the like in my life. In this way, God has been very merciful to me. That’s why I won’t do stuff (you can be sure they aren’t sexual in nature) in order to ascertain whether people can see my nether regions while walking past my window in the dead of the night just to see by their reactions whether they can see me so that I can avoid the behaviour in the future so as not to be seen. There’s something wrong with that logic. It would be best to avoid the practice altogether, wouldn’t it?

I’m going to sleep now. I’m dog dead tired.

Question: What do you think about the epiphany I had?

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