Winds of Change: Days 14 and 15

On Friday, I woke up early to work on my article (it was more like to start researching for my article) but I was way too tired to concentrate. I would concentrate for a minute or two and then my thoughts would wander. So, after fighting exhaustion for two hours I decided to call it quits and slept till 5:30am when I got up to get ready for work. The article was due on Friday.

I spoke to my boss and got an extension till Monday although she would only read the article Wednesday because Tuesday is a public holiday. Unfortunately, my brains were fried. I couldn’t seem to concentrate on my reading so I was just in limbo, so to speak. So I decided not to force myself. I had worked hard the whole week. And only getting 3 to 4 hours of sleep every night was bound to take its toll.

I was very happy with how you all received my poems though. I really love 17th century poetry. John Bunyan is my hero. And I love epic poems. In high school I started reading Gilgamesh but didn’t get very far with it. I also love musicals like Les Miserables where every line is in verse. I don’t like opera though because it’s hard to understand what the singers are saying. I would like to write an epic poem about King David’s life. I’m grateful to God for giving me the ability to write poems. Like I said before I always wanted to write poetry but was never good at it–not that I’m that great at it now, but I did get better at it.

Yesterday I had another wet dream. When I looked at my calendar, I saw that I had a wet dream at the beginning of September. So that’s three wet dreams for September.

I have such a lot of work to do. My thesis is due at the end of November, for the March graduation, and I still have to complete my research for the literature review and the last couple of experiments and another part of the research before I can write my results and discussion chapters. I also have a lot of divergent duties to perform at work that eat up my time for my academic studies. I get very stressed out–almost panicky–when people ask me about my thesis. Working and studying is HARD. I’m just glad I don’t have a girlfriend. Plus I have this battle on my hands as I battle lust in the form of pornography and withdrawals that give me the munchies.

The withdrawal symptoms I experienced on Friday were an increased apetite, sexual thoughts, anxiety. I would say brain fog and fatigue, but I think that these symptoms are fed by both withdrawals and exhaustion, or overworked-ness. I did take some supplements: a multivitamin, vitamin C (1000 mg) and Omega 3, 6 & 9. To control my apetite I will be restricting my meals to 3 and eating healthier snacks if I do snack during the day, which will most likely be the case. My pantses are all too small for me. So as you can see I’ve got a lot of things going on in my life, lots of endurance/self-control challenges.

I’m also an avid photographer but because of my lack of time I cannot edit the photos I take. I like studio work where I can control the lighting. But that presents its own technical and financial challenges. So I put photography on hold for a while and gave myself over to writing.

Today an insatiable apetite was my biggest problem or symptom. I ate and ate and drank (not alcoholic drinks) and ate some more.

It was also my cousin’s daughter’s prom today. So our entire family was there to support her. It was super uncomfortable for me because the girl’s dad, his wife and their kids were there. He had an affair with his current wife while married to my cousin. He divorced my cousin to marry his mistress who was our other cousin’s fiancé. You can imagine the consequences of their affair. So, yeah it was very uncomfortable.

The situation with my friend who thought I would call him on Thursday night troubles me. So, I decided to buy an international calling card and call him sometime during the week or maybe next weekend.

I’m grateful to God for carrying me through another week. A hectic one at that! I don’t think I would’ve made it if it weren’t for Him. I also am grateful to my accoutability partner/friend/prayer partner who prayed for me during this week even though we only communicated on Monday. The week ahead will not be easy as the struggle with work, studies, relationships and apetite continues. But, these sure makes life interesting–at least to me it does. 🙂

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