Winds of Change: Day 13

Yesterday was a terrible day. I think I experienced the “depression” part of the withdrawal symptoms. We had an emotionally charged situation at work due to miscommunication between the two third parties involved. The situation was resolved, the air cleared, but the sadness remained. I felt like I betrayed my colleague by listening to a colleague of ours to take the situation directly to our boss without consulting the implicated colleague, who was away on business, first. I didn’t like the advice, but because I don’t trust my judgement in such situations, I followed the advice. The implicated colleague was hurt and I was scared that she would think that I had ill-intentions.  I was sad for most of the day. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I asked God to help me write a poem and A Tale of Destruction was born.

The day wore on. It was on my way home that the events in Character occurred. When I got home, I prayed and wrote the poem. I was happy and I still am.

My confidence was very low yesterday. I think it’s a result of the withdrawal symptoms. Some guys report having mood swings. They feel on top of the world one day and the next like a piece of trash stuck in a gutter. I had some sexual thoughts throughout the day as well, but did my best not to dwell on them.

A friend of mine whom I only correspond with via e-mail, we have no other interaction, wanted me to call him last night. It was actually my suggestion because I’m doing such a lot of writing and editing at the moment. I was tired of writing that day when I made the suggestion. He didn’t understand that I can only Skype while at work since we don’t have internet at home. He didn’t respond when I restated this fact. I don’t want to lose his friendship though. I hate the uncertainty of not knowing where you stand with people.

Other than that not much else is going on though other than trying to meet deadlines and cleaning my plate, so to speak.

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