“Every Man’s Battle” and Liberty
Last year a friend of mine introduced me to the Every Man’s Battle (EMB) online community which I joined. I had read Every Young Man’s Battle in 2010-2011 and learned a great deal about God and myself. But, I was not successful in quitting masturbation (MB) and/or porn. I met this friend online last year on a forum that encourages men (and women) to stop masturbating.
Anyway, I joined the EMB community in the hopes of getting help. Now at the same time I was conceptually exploring nudism because being naked helped me a lot in combating the urge to MB. And because I didn’t want to let go of my new found freedom in nudism (conceptually, that is) I didn’t pursue the help that was offered to me on the EMB group I joined. (I will write about my nudist experiences and conceptualisations at a later date.)
After talking to another, more genuine online friend of mine, I decided to contact a guy who offered to help me with my porn addiction. That I did tonight.
Lately and exacerbated by my 10 day media fast, I experienced some withdrawal symptoms which led me to fail my 10 day fast by searching for stuff on The Huffington Post. The withdrawal symptoms I experienced are:
- Anxiety. The anxiety is spread throughout my whole body which sometimes quivers with the tension and causes me to lose concentration and find ways to minimise the anxiety.
- Insatiable food cravings. It’s more of a craving for sugary treats and food and for spicy foods like curry.
- Lack of focus and concentration. For the life of me I can’t seem to focus on my work for more than 10 minutes at a time. Sometimes I can’t even focus on for 10 minutes.
- Negative thinking. I used to be a negative person when I was still deeply trapped porn and MB, but that changed in the middle of 2011. Now, I’ve been having doubts about my adequacy and competence as a career/professional writer (I’m a science writer, by the way). “Do I have what it takes to conduct interviews? Will I write excellent pieces of work? My work will have to hold up to scrutiny; will I/it make the cut?” are only some of the thoughts that have been plaguing me.
- Sexual fantasies. I get these a lot. Whenever I walk to or from the station I always seem to have a fantasy or two. I do my best to stop it from happening but before I know it I’m swept along. It has been easier since I stopped MB for a year now.
- Strange sensations in penis. This is different from the base chakra (or the chakra located in the perineum between one’s scrotum and anus) sensations which I felt at the beginning of my MB abstinence period. This is like a tightening of my penis itself. Graphic description My penis would engorge a bit but the 1.0-1.5cm section of the shaft just after the coronal sulcus stays contracted causing a pinching sensation. End of graphic description.
- Extremely horny. This is because of the anxiety. My mind sometimes translates anxiety into sexual desire which can be very confusing to say the least.
- Scatter-brained. My mind races into all directions at once as I try to run through all my work in my head. I am overwhelmed sometimes because I have such a lot of work and not enough time to do them all.
- Boredom. As a result I get bored easily and want to escape. I don’t want to do my work but I must. That’s the only I will get passed it.
- Sexual cravings in my genitals. I feel the need to ejaculate, not masturbate (MB)–mind you, in my genitals whether the ejaculation occurs via a wet dream or spontaneously because of fantasy, anxiety or none of the above.
The most predominant symptom is anxiety. I have to learn to seek the Lord during these moments because He promised He would help me in Philippians 4:6-7.
So, the winds are changing as is the tide. We’ll see how the Lord works things out.
For those of you that are abstaining from porn, masturbation and/or orgasm, what withdrawal symptoms did you experience?
What was the toughest day(s) for you?
Would you ever consider not masturbating AND/OR give up pornography for ever?